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Tuesday 6 March 2018
13 Reasons Why You DON’T Need A Girlfriend In Your Life
Who needs girlfriends, man? Who the fuck needs a girlfriend? I mean
they are cute, beautiful and cuddly and they give you company in
desperate times and are there for you when you need them the most.
Who the hell wants all of that? I do not! It’s absolutely the worst.
I will give you 13 more reasons to NOT have a girlfriend. You would never ever want a girlfriend after this, man.
Ever.
1. You get more time for yourself
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You can finally catch up with your hobbies and learn a language or
just sit in a room one of those days on a Sunday afternoon with nothing
to do, and no one to talk to, because everyone has a life and you are
just sitting there thinking how awesome and lonely your life is.
I mean, it doesn’t get better than this.
Everyone needs time for themselves. This is how you do it. Sitting in your room, doing nothing.
Girlfriends are expensive, man. Why would anyone in their right minds spend a lot of money on someone they love, man?
And not to forget those extremely expensive dates where you see those
awesome movies and eat that delicious food. You can save all of that
money for yourself now, and do the same things with your friends, but
yeah, you don’t get to make out in he cinema hall or hold hands over the
restaurant table. But that’s cool. Who wants that?
3. You can YOLO more often
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Yeah, I said YOLO. Like going bungee jumping, or camping in the
middle of the forest or just jumping off a dam just because. You are as
free as a bird, dude.
YOLO!
4. Selfies get more awesome
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Your Instagram account get more selfies! Get a selfie stick too! Take
a selfie of yourself with big panorama background with just you in it.
Just you and no one else.
Take selfies with food you are eating. Take random selfies with
random people. Point is, take a lot of selfies. Who doesn’t want their
pretty duck face liked by 11 people on Facebook?
It’s awesome!
5. You can do all the birdwatching
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You can finally see all the hot girls in the world now, as much as
you want. Earlier you had to look elsewhere when you were on a date, but
now you can see all that shizz.
You can see that hot girl walking like a gazelle, and then you can
watch her get on that motorbike with her boyfriend and drive off. Yeah
man, that’s the real deal. Enjoy it.
6. You can live like a pig and no one will notice
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All your underwears are dirty and you just don’t want to do the
laundry? Who cares? Just turn them inside out and wear them! No one
gives a shit about your hygiene anymore. You can finally lick that plate
clean after you are done with your food and pick your nose and flick
that dry booger anywhere.
Living the life! Yeah!
7. You get to spend more time with your friends
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Yeah, now you can be the third wheel with your bestie and his
girlfriend. Then enjoy your food as your friends girlfriend feeds him
food lovingly and suppress the murderous impulse to kill them both. And
go to group parties where most people are as couples and then sit in a
corner when they start playing games exclusively meant for couples and
wonder where you will get that bomb to fucking blow up the room.
It’s awesome!
8. You can finally catch up on the dating sites
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Tinder and Woo and 10 other dating apps, install them all already.
Start right swiping like a bitch. No harm done if you don’t get any
matches!
Go to the other app, there must be matches there! NO?
Shiiiiiiit….
But hey, you can still be on those apps, right? It’s awesome.
9. Hello, porn!
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You get to watch all the porn you want. No matter its basically the same shit you have been watching since you were a teen.
You get to watch it as much as you want. Because no one is in your
room. You are all alone in your room, and you can do whatever you want.
10. You can watch all those chick flicks you crib about pretending to be masculine
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The Devil Wears Prada, 27 Dresses, The Princess Diaries, Titanic;
watch them all and take tissues, so you can bawl your eyes out.
Now you don’t have anyone around! Chick flicks are the best!
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Assuming you know how to flirt, you can do it with anyone out there!
What? You are getting responses like,”I have a boyfriend!”
Aww man, tough world man. But hey! You at least get to flirt! Who
cares if the person you flirted with found the love of their lives? It’s
ok! Enjoy the flirting!
13. Or you can join my “Forever Alone Support Group”
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Whoa! Where did this point come from! I did not put this point in here! Someone erase this point! I do not mean it!
So there you go. Awesome reasons for being without a girlfriend!
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